I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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