I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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