oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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