i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
