All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
