You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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