you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
