R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
