How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
