Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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