What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
now i know why i became what i already was.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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