That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
