If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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