He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
