i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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