that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
