I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
