Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
