some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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