why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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