are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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