This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
