i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
