I want to stick my p in your. b.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
