Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
