...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
