We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
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A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
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My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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