Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
