it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
