It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
