After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
