My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
