Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
