I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
