he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
