What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
