yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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