Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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