mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
