I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
