I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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