I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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