Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
