She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
