For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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