she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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