I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
