Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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