Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
