i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
