I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
