My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
