i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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