I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
