In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
