gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize