she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
