Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
