He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
