I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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