either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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