I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
