Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
