Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Never joke about your clitoris.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
