Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
