Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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