i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
