I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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