I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
