Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
