your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want to make out with him forever
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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